Lay It All On Me


Unknown.jpegSometimes when you deal with personal struggles, it is easier to help others with their own than to face yours head on. In some respect it acts as a distraction, but it can also help you see clearly what you once thought to be so obscure. The dark doesn’t seem so dark, and you even amaze yourself with the internal dialogue flowing in your own brain. Pieces start fitting together when you are supposed to be helping the person in front of you come to the realizations that you are reaching for yourself. Talking with a friend, colleague, family member, or even a stranger will show you that everyone struggles, and often common themes will arise as you discuss different points of struggle to remind you that you are not alone.

I know that when I earn the trust of someone, I feel extreme fulfillment, and my ability to make someone feel comfortable is a trait I value most. Part of me feels as if going through hardships on my own helps me empathize and understand the feeling of true struggle that much better. Although it is not a strength of mine to open up to others, it is something I am working on as I can see the benefits of when I do.

Being vulnerable and laying it all out there especially with someone I care about is a risk. It is a chance that someone will take what I have given them and use it in some way, but there is also a chance that I have found someone who just listens, nods, and reassures you that everything will be ok. That is a friendship, a relationship, a treasure to hold onto. Too many times I have thrown these special relationships away for lack of my own trust. Trust that I am worthy of this love and affection; worthy of something good lasting long-term. There is a fear of what people think, that I will say the wrong thing, and a feeling that I have been so strong for myself so I don’t and shouldn’t need anyone else. But I am so wrong. It is not a matter of need, it is a “want.” I wanted that someone else, I couldn’t trust myself enough to believe I was worthy when I felt so unworthy. Losing someone you love because of a fail to understand and believe in yourself is so incredibly painful. It lingers, everything reminds you of that person, everywhere you go you wish for company. It is a struggle I, and many others face. It is not something that I am proud of, and something that I hope to one day change.

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“If your old ways aren’t working for you make some changes. Take chances, speak your mind, and put some trust in things working out just how they are meant to be. It might take a while, but don’t be afraid to get lost because the person that emerges might just surprise you.”-Me

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