These messages were left at my door by my sister-in-law one night when I was living in California and today the same word was used to describe me.
Bouncing back. Rising above. Belief. Strength. Turning emotions into a chance to learn, dig deep, and come back stronger. I have learned to see things I need to work on in order to make my situations and circumstances in life better. I am often told how resilient I am. I really do respect this compliment knowing that people can see “me” and how I will work for things that matter and always try to better myself, trying not to let certain things that hurt knock me down. It is so easy to be knocked down and stay down, but the harder part comes with the fight, the resolve to grow, and the belief that sometimes it requires a few steps back to take a leap forward.
I am not entirely sure where this comes from-maybe an understanding of other people, maybe knowing what is worth it and what I believe in, or maybe just something I have built up over the years due to a belief in something larger for myself. I have worked on taking a perspective of self awareness and self reflection asking things like, “What can I learn? How can I make myself better? What do I need to do to change this situation or make it better for the future?”
Mental strength is one of the hardest habits to build, and I will admit I didn’t know how hard it was until I needed to have it. I also didn’t know I had it in such capacity until I needed to have it. There have been so many times that my resilience and strength feels like a gift and other times it feels like such a heartache.
Sometimes I just want to say: Screw resilience! I don’t want to be strong right now! I wanna say what I wanna say, plan what I wanna plan, do what I want to do, and so much more! Lists upon lists of things to do, things to say, dreams, goals, feelings, questions….all things that need to be said, expressed, done, lived, fulfilled, and answered! I want to say so much! I want to act on the signs I see. I dont want to be strong, be patient, or wait to see more signs. Just gotta do! So hard to keep it all in, so hard to try to plan certain things, wait for other things, and let many things happen in their time and as they may. Patience is so hard. To say I thought I was a patient person, I guess is relative.
But so we breathe and remember: resilience is an art and art is sometimes messy, but it usually comes together in the end.