What a Question!

The million dollar question! I just couldn’t help but smile when I opened my Slack app and saw that typed out. Loaded. The question that has been my opponent for years and that I am just now getting a handle on facing.
Fun fact: everyone has to face the unknown. The one constant thing is uncertainty, and it’s just that some people embrace it and others fear it.

As someone who has recovered from a horribly painful, yet relieving diagnosis of OCD, this question rang true in far too many ways. I definitely feared it and still catch myself, very sporadically, wrapped in the anxiety of wanting to know.

I wanted answers.
I wanted black and white.
I needed to know and I would do anything to get there.
But not without mental strain.

As you can see, I was very honest in my response just simply stating that the only moment to focus on is now. I later responded with, “Yup I know the feeling but remember worrying is the heart of anxiety. You can make moves and control only so much -try to use awareness to bring yourself back to present. It takes a while and there is always gonna be a little bit of worry which is natural.”

Do I want to know what’s going to happen in the future-where will I be? will I be partnered? will I be in the same state? will I be working for myself? Ummmm yea of course! But these are the thoughts that make us anxious because we cannot know, we do not know, and that in itself drives us crazy. This causes incredible fear and the desire to control, and this inability is where the worry sets in.

I worked for years to try to be ok with the fact that I do not know, and now I can say it’s a bit easier to remind myself “I don’t know the answer right now” and to be ok with that. I have become a bit more patient in life letting things happen and realizing, though experience, that I will know when it is time to make a change or do something about something I worried about.

Until then, be aware of the feelings and just be 🙂

P.S. I never said it was easy!

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