When panic strikes, what do you do? I have been here before and I know how this feels. Since Sunday I have felt a shift in my moods and my underlying anxiety rose to a new level. Can’t eat, nauseous, sweating, heart racing, general feeling of unrest. Aware of this feeling of loneliness. Something is off. I am not sure what caused this change, but it’s there. It’s back and I have to deal with it. Just like I did before.

Sometimes I think I am so prepared and can handle these feelings until they take over and take me to dark places. It’s been a while since I have visited this dungeon and the memories and feelings are all too familiar no matter how long its been since it has happened. The idea of loneliness is so real to me and I guess being “so ok” on my own for four months of quarantine has caught up to me. The question becomes, “now what?”

I have to make adjustments to my new normal. What they will be? I am not sure yet but it will have to include more people and conversation. It might have to include more medication. I have to prioritize self care, exercise, sleep, and being outside! That is what I know. The rest I will let you know as it comes.

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